Close the Substance Abusing Chapter of Your Life and Move On

Anyone who’s beginning treatment or living in early recovery recognizes that this is a whole new chapter in their life. Not all of those initial chapters are either predictable or pre-ordained. Much like a novel, what happens next is often quite surprising. It’s certainly filled with challenges. Using the book analogy to your journey to recovery is helpful because of the numerous parallels that are easy to understand and relate to. So, let’s focus on how you can close the substance abusing chapter of your life and move on.

It’s Your Story

In a book, who do readers care about most? It should be the hero or heroine, the main character, the one whose story the book is about. In a screenplay, which is the film version of a novel, albeit condensed to a shorter time period, it is the protagonist (which is really just another name for the main character). There are many characters in a book and in a screenplay, of course, but they are mostly incidental players, or have brief parts or impact in the main character’s life. The exception to this is the antagonist – the person (or circumstance or society, among others) that most stands in the way of the main character.
In the book and movie, the hero or heroine has goals. He or she may or may not achieve them by the story’s end. But it is the journey that readers (and audiences) care about. Will the main character achieve his or her goals? If not, what is standing in the way?

Drawing a parallel to your own life’s journey, where you are now is the beginning of the story. And, make no mistake about it, this is your story. Sure, there are other people (characters) in your life, but it’s your story that you should be focused on. You already know that your chief adversary, your opponent, if you will, is your addiction. Some of the people in your life may aid and abet your addiction, but nobody forces you to engage in the addictive behavior. You do that all by yourself.

So, think of recovery as your story. You’ve just made the decision to get help for your addiction, or you’ve completed treatment and are now embarking on an equally confusing and often paradoxical period of early recovery. Here’s where your story takes off.

Who Said It Would Be Easy?

It’s necessary here to make the point that your journey will be filled with ups and downs. Sometimes it will feel as if you’ve undertaken an impossible task. You may very well want to give up, thinking the task too difficult or that you’re not up to it. In the book and screenplay version, this might be referred to as refusing the call to action. You may have thought or said to yourself or others that you’re too busy to go for treatment, or that treatment isn’t working for you, or recovery is too hard, or your life is miserable absent your addictive behavior.

Well, who said it would be easy? Nothing worthwhile – and living in sobriety certainly ranks way up there – is ever trouble- or challenge-free.

Let’s get back to the beginning of your story – wherever you are right now in your journey. You’ve made a conscious decision to do something: to get treatment, or to work diligently to change your behavior to live a healthier lifestyle in recovery. Everything that happens from this time forward is in pursuit of your overall goal, which is sustained recovery.

Expect Twists and Turns

What happens in an engrossing and compelling story? You find yourself wanting to skip ahead, to learn what’s going to happen, to try to predict the future. If everything goes smoothly and nothing ever challenges the main character, you quickly lose interest and move on to other things. In your own story, you need to condition yourself to expect these twists and turns – not because you’ll lose interest – but because if you don’t see progress toward your goal by the simple fact of achieving smaller goals by overcoming obstacles, you may very well give up and relapse.

Addiction recovery experts say that the first six months to a year of early recovery are the toughest. It all depends on the individual, of course, and how long they were addicted, the type of addiction, frequency of use, whether or not there are multiple substances involved or a co-occurring disorder (substance abuse and mental health disorder), genetic predispositions, and family history, among other factors. In general, the longer you’ve been addicted, the greater the frequency and amount of the abused substance, multiple addictions, and genetic or familial factors combine to make closing the substance abuse chapter of your life more difficult. It may be difficult, but it is not impossible.

The key is to anticipate that you will experience twists and turns, hurdles that you will need to overcome, and many changes that you will need to figure out how to make.

Work Toward the Desired Outcome

Some addicts in early recovery aren’t mentally attuned to the long haul. They either haven’t fully absorbed the lessons they learned during treatment, or don’t feel skilled or practiced enough in utilizing the coping mechanisms necessary to get them through the tough times ahead.

One suggestion that may prove helpful is to keep focused on the long-term goal, and to work toward this desired outcome. You wouldn’t expect to nail an advanced degree by only taking a couple of courses, or some very tough ones, at that. In the book version, the main character needs to have a substantial and meaningful long-term goal. If not, the story and the character lack interest and motivation.

Speaking of goals, there is the overarching goal – sustained recovery – and there are also many short- and long-term goals. You should develop strategies for how you’ll go about achieving these goals, and get any necessary training, education, financial assistance, and support you need so that you are able to work toward those desired outcomes.

Don’t Let Pitfalls Derail You

Remember those twists and turns? In your story, while you’re solidifying your intention to close the substance abusing chapter of your life, you will encounter some minor, and, quite possibly major, pitfalls. The difference between a protagonist that’s successful in achieving his or her goal and one who gives up and never achieves it is determination and persistence. You simply can’t let obstacles and challenges deter you or derail your pursuit of your ultimate goal.

One way to marshal your resources is to list all the possible pitfalls that could occur – along with strategies for how you’ll cope with them. Enlist the help of your 12-step sponsor (from Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, and so on), or your counselor, to fully flesh out your list and arrive at creative and workable strategies and coping mechanisms.
In a story, if the main character just caves whenever there’s a slight problem, he or she is considered weak and unworthy of success. In your story, you can guard against the temptation to capitulate by being prepared – so that you don’t allow pitfalls to derail you.

Enlist Allies and Build Your Support Network

No main character goes it alone. That would make for a singularly uninteresting story. In your own journey, you also don’t go it alone – nor should you. In fact, without adequate support and encouragement from those who love and care about you (your family and friends and fellow 12-step members), your recovery is made much more difficult. Some individuals in recovery, lacking family or other support, relapse quickly. Some relapse several times before they realize the value and necessity of ongoing and non-judgmental support.

In fact, the addict in recovery who insists on going it alone makes the journey even more arduous than it ever should be. That’s like deliberately sabotaging his or her efforts at achieving a stated goal. And, we all know that, as human beings, we’re great at self-sabotage. The more important the goal, the more we seem determined to undermine our efforts.

Your support network can help you regain your sense of direction, solidify your conviction, and stick to your plan. If you feel that you’re about to slip, they can offer an understanding ear, suggestions on how to get back on track, and lift your spirits in the process.

Begin to build your support network early in your recovery. If you haven’t participated in 12-step meetings since completing treatment, it’s very important to start now. Go to regular meetings, several times a week if you need it, especially during the first six months. If you need help and it’s the middle of the night, call your sponsor or go online. There are meetings all over the United States and many foreign countries. Surely you can find one that’s “open” when you need to talk with others in your position. Remember that the only real requirement for 12-step members is a genuine commitment to sobriety and to helping others achieve a sober lifestyle as well.

Of course, you need sober friends as well. These can be old friends who didn’t abuse substances. Likely, though, they will be new ones, as you’ll need to steer clear of your former drinking and using pals. Where can you find new friends? Join a club, or get involved in learning a new skill, or taking classes toward getting or finishing a degree. Get outside and immerse yourself in recreational activities. You’ll undoubtedly meet new people who may become acquaintances, and then, good friends.

Maintain a Positive Attitude

Everyone in recovery feels down now and then. Sometimes you’ll feel down for extended periods of time, particularly if you encounter a major setback (emotional, financial, legal, work-related, social, and so on). While it’s certainly easier said than done, strive to maintain a positive attitude at all times. Even in the midst of a crisis, adopt the mindset that whatever is going on is only temporary. If you can make it through the next 24 hours, whatever it is will look different. Call on your support network to help you make it through particularly tough times.

Maintaining a positive attitude isn’t being a Pollyanna. It’s recognizing that you are in charge of your story. You are the one who can make the difference between whether or not you achieve your goals. With a positive and forward-looking attitude, you are helping to shape your future actions. If you see possibilities, you are more likely to welcome opportunities than to fear them. Rather than stagnating, you will be more open to change and willing to accept it – and move on.

Get Help When You Need It

Let’s say that you slip and relapse. The first thing you need to do is accept that it happened. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Get help immediately. Call your sponsor (anytime of the day or night). Seek the counsel of your therapist (if you still have one in continuing care or aftercare as part of your overall treatment program). Talk with a member of the clergy, a trusted friend, or understanding family member – who won’t enable you and can help gently redirect you back on the road to recovery.

In any compelling story, when something bad happens to the main character, we want him or her to succeed. To the extent that the main character actively pursues his or her goals – instead of merely living passively (and, thus, never really experiencing life) – we expect that the main character will seek the help of allies and experts when necessary. That’s the way to overcome formidable opponents and obstacles. Drawing the analogy to your own story, get help when you need it – and don’t be shy about it. After all, this is your story. You want to achieve your goals.

Add Fresh Goals

What happens when you achieve all the short- and many of the long-term goals on your list? Don’t give up and sit back thinking you’ve exhausted all your possibilities. That will only tend to numb you, make you lethargic, lacking motivation or drive. Pretty soon, you’ll be bored and seek stimulation in unhealthy behavior – perhaps even using again. The antidote to this is to always add fresh goals. That’s why it’s good to have a hierarchy, of sorts, of goals that are ever more challenging.

Make goals to encompass six months, 1 to 2 years, 5 years, and 10 years, and so on. Jot down what you’ll need to do in order to achieve those goals. Take steps to secure or amass those needs (knowledge, finances, endorsements, rebuilding relationships, etc.).

Sometimes, you’ll look over your list of accomplishments and see that what you have listed as future goals are no longer as desirable. Your overall prospects may have changed (and likely will) as new opportunities become available. You will want to avail yourself of these and not box yourself into goals that no longer are viable. Eliminate those goals that no longer work for you (and not ones that require you to exert effort), and change goals that require slightly different approach, strategies to accomplish, or time. The secret is to always keep your list of goals readily available so that you can make the necessary changes.

After all, isn’t this your story? You are creating your future.

Live In The Now – With an Eye Toward the Future

Dwelling on the past will get any main character in trouble. Since we’re talking about your story, why think about what happened when you hit bottom or the devastation your addiction caused? The only time this matters is when you are devising ways to rebuild your life, to fashion it according to the clean and sober lifestyle you’ve committed to achieve and maintain. And, it’s not a matter of rehashing old failures and actions. Rather, it’s more about living a life of principles and commitment, of righting old wrongs (making amends), and looking toward the future.

To that end, live every day in the present. Do the best you can with each waking moment. Also, keep your eye on the future, on where and what you want to achieve in the short- and long-term period.

As Confucius once said, “The longest journey begins with the first step.” This is your journey, your story. Begin today by taking the first step on your road to recovery. And remember that this is a lifelong journey. Your story will never be finished. It is an ongoing – and very compelling – saga.